LMRC

omg!

i had a nice long entry and frelled up and lost it!
and i am too tired to do it over

but something to share----------joel has something knew on his site
if you've never been to rathergood.com, you are missing out!


Click here to check it out

So Near, So Farscape
by Michael Ausiello
from TV GUIDE November 29-December 5 edition

The Jim Henson Company is producing a four-hour Farscape miniseries that will tie up the loose ends left dangling when the cult hit was prematurely axed last year by the SciFi Channel. The project-which will reunite leads Ben Browder and Claudia Black-will start shooting in December in Australia. Since the telefilm is unlikely to air on SciFi, word is it may be sold into syndication. So there!

**picture courtesy of http://perriverse.dreamhost.com/farscape/

i just learned how to post images in my blog yayayay
here are a few pics from lake charles and i am putting a link to the city's website where you can see more

i'm a star
no not the twinkley kind(hmmmmm)
i made the local news tonight
i went to the local target(i like to pronounce it tar-gay) and the FOX station was interviewing people on their thoughts about the new law banning spam
i told them i was more than pleased with my penis size and wasnt interested in the bestiality porn sites or buying drugs without a prescription online, blahblahblah and that i was pleased as punch to know that the government was finally doing something worthwhile

thank goodness i have a non-published telephone number

at a certain age, one begins to read the obituaries daily
of course, many of us began at an earlier age than the norm because so many people we knew were dying

it's a shock everytime, to see a familiar name

today i saw the name Laval Thibodeaux, a former student(age 20 this year)
i assume he died from muscular dystrophy
rest in peace sweet child

for those that do not receive the emails from fortheboys yahoo messageboard, this is a post from gary


To: ForTheBoysTV@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sat, 15 Nov 2003 09:03:55 -0000
Subject: [ForTheBoysTV] Steve and Gary: The Next Generation




Happy fall to everyone!

First off, thanks for enduring my rant a few weeks ago about the
wildfires pre-empting All My Children for so damn long! Sadly,
we still do not know who killed Michael Cambias. It's amazing
how long they drag this stuff out on daytime, but they've hooked
me like a dimwit flounder and won't let me go. What can I say?
I'm an easy target for high drama.

We finished editing our FINAL ForTheBoys for PrideVision last
week (Canadian viewers – be on the lookout for it – it airs
Saturday the 15th and again Monday the 17th). While we miss
the live shows, it's nice to have a break from it, and to be honest,
from each other. Those fights you see on the show are NEVER
STAGED, and may I pay tribute to my producing partner Steve for
putting up with my histrionics as of late. My patience has been
very thin and his has been tremendous.

Cat #2 in my house, named "Z," was struck down by a mystery
ailment that left him wailing in pain, and unable to eat or walk.
Six trips to the vet and a thousand dollars later, we still aren't
sure what's wrong with him, but he's doing better. He's a little
wobbly when he walks, but that's just like me on any Saturday
night, so who's to complain? I have to feed him through a
syringe and shove two large pills down his throat twice a day. My
hands now resemble human scratching posts. Send your best
wishes for his speedy recovery, would you? It would be a little
lonely for me here at him without him.

PrideVision is working on gaining support for a U.S. debut. If you
haven't yet, send them an e-mail at www.pridevisiontv.com and
let them know you're interested in seeing ForTheBoys stateside.
And for Candian viewers, if you're interested in purchasing a
DVD of the MediaPickle cartoons we show up there, Chris Dill
has made a complilation DVD that can be purchased through
http://customflix.com/205152

But of course, nothing makes a better Christmas gift than
ForTheBoys on DVD. Share laughs with your friends, shock your
parents into an early grave, send them to Pat Robertson with
some cookies and a nice homemade Christmas card. The
possibilities are endless. Visit www.fortheboys.tv and make your
holiday purchase today!

In addition, if you're interested in buying books for a Christmas
gift, my store ships anywhere in the U.S., and aside from the
usual book store sections, we also have very extensive
photography, gender, film, tv and art sections. If you can't find a
title at your local stores, we can probably special order it for you
and send it in plenty of time for the holiday of your choice. You
can check my store out at www.booksoup.com or call to inquire
at 310-659-3110. And be sure to tell them you heard about it
through me. I can always use the brownie points.

Now, we want to know what's up with YOU so e-mail us back
with what and who you've been doing lately!

Cheers!

Gary and Steve

i have a link to their site if you want to order the dvd's
their email is Steve & Gary @ ForTheBoys.tv if you would just like to respond to gary

// posted by Jeff @ 1:53 PM

i am doing much better
most side effects from the lexapro have diminished, except i have occasional headache and diminished sex drive
i also still feel a little fatigue
however, i have not noticed any change in my stress levels, but i guess it takes a while for a therapeutic level of the meds to accrue in my system; i may need to increase the dosage, but i dont go back to the doctor till the first week in december

it has been another of those busy weekends: friday night i got caught up on grading papers and putting grades in the gradebook and I had to write an IEP for a new student; saturday, i went to the grocery store; took a long walk with the dogs, did laundry, watered all my plants, and it was dog bath night; today, i vacuumed the house, did a LOT of cooking and i still have to wash all the dogs' blankets and my own sheets and blankets, plus there are lesson plans to write as well as other paperwork i brought home but doubt that i have time for

one more week and then i'm off for an entire week---but i will have to use part of that time to get ready for internal monitoring in december.....this is when the school board sends a time into our school to scour all the special ed files to make sure we are doing our jobs , dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's ; they will also be in our classrooms observing us teach, interviewing our students and the regular education teachers to make sure our students are receiving thier services-----so yeah, MORE stress but then it will be over except for making corrections to whatever they find amiss

how are you held accountable?
for me this is simply local monitoring; i also am accoutable to the state; i have to also annually prepare and document a professional growth plan, attend professional classes or inservices to meet SACS guidelines, and pass muster of my administrator who observes me teach and critiques my lessons and strategies

state and federal accoutability are more complex, and i will bitch about them later
i feel like retiring soon

what would you do?

The Onion | Mom Finds Out About Blog

word from the heart specialist is that armando's tests show nothing of concern in that area
the weird electrical stuff and the odd heartbeat were probably due to him being overly excited(upset)

armando is not overly thrilled with his new food
when you switch a pet's food, you slowly do so by mixing a little more of the new with the old each day until you eventually get to it being all new, usually over a week's time
well, armando pushes the new out of the bowl and eats only the old
gabriel on the other hand LOVES the new

armando's little heart was not making that extra little beat that it was last week
but dr. poynter did some more ekg strips and some showed nothing abnormal; others showed that weird electrical activity; xrays looked normal

blood work was mostly good, except for a high wbc count and very high blood sugar(220 with 75-125 being normal)

i wasnt surprised by the wbc count since we are treating for an ear infection already with otomax, but he added an oral antibiotic also; we are changing his diet to one with fewer carbohydrates and more fiber in an attempt to bring the blood suger in line

he does not have diabetes (yet) as there was no glucose in his urine (i dont even wanna know how you get a urine sample from a dog)(i bet pebbles has video); if he ends up with diabetes i will have to learn to give insulin injections (maybe i can con my sister the nurse into coming visit everyday)

all of the test results and xrays were sent to a specialist for their opinion and i should know what they say either tomorrow or thursday

tess had a professional grooming and haircut and looks fabulous(after i re-did her bow and combed her out one more time)

me? i awoke at 6 am today wide awake and feeling pretty good
while armando and tess were at the vet, gabriel and i took a nice long walk; he was a bit upset that i took the others somewhere and came home without them

i did have a minor headache for a bit, but i had a decent appetite today and even ate an extra meal; but i feel depressed now---its a couple hours till i take my next dose of lexapro

also i suddenly have a large tender lump on the inside of my lower right arm; i'm going back to the manufacturer's website and that messageboard to check to see if it is another side effect

we were off from school today, but tomorrow is another workday and i have the dentist right after; i go in for a cleaning and a fussing(my dentist always finds something to fuss at me about)

if he's not nice , i may bite him

last nite i had a chance to talk to briefly to chrisco, jazz, lucy, and noah in gaycams chat. it was nice to visit, if only briefly. i just cant seem to stay up late enough for the chats anymore, even before i started on lexapro. i miss those fun times immensely. most of my days are spent only with children at work and my babies at home, and its nice to have adult conversation occasionally.

i havent updated since day one on lexapro

day 2(thursday) was better; i had slept well the night before; i felt good, i walked around humming happy little tunes and had a smile most of the day; it didnt quite feel right and i still had no appetite. that night, i again had sleep problems--i woke up frequently and couldnt immediately go back to sleep

day 3(friday) i was miserable: headache, nausea, tired, a little off balance, still no appetite, and pain in the neck which i attributed to sleeping wrong but now know it is another side effect---when i got home from work i took a 2 hour nap and only got up because the dogs were barking and wouldnt stop

Saturday, after sleeping 10 hours(on top of that 2 hour nap!), i woke up feeling still blah: breathing very deeply(worrisome due to my emphysema), chest pains, and the ever present nausea, stomachachy, headachy, sleepy. then later in the day i started to have muscle cramps in my arms and legs---very painful ones

i did a google search on lexapro and found a message board here for people taking lexapro that made me realize that all these things PLUS some other things i thought were the beginnings of a cold--cough, the chest pains and breathing too, sinus pain---were also side effects and that although the manufacturer touts this drug as the next generation of celexa and has oh so many fewer side effects, that is not the case as many people that post on drbob's board that they have switched from celexa to lexapro and it is very similar

anyway, several people post that no one should give up too quickly that it takes time, but the side effects go away after about 6-8 weeks
OMFG do i really wann go thru that long just to see if this will help me enough to get off prevacid?

i cant decide what to do
i want to wait at least until after i know more about what armando's condition/prognosis is, because if it is bad news i will be unconsolable
plus, after another decent night sleep, i feel a little better today and even had a little appetite, but eating made my belly hurt, and this ever present fatigue is annoying

in a little bit i am due at my little brother's house for my god-daughter's birthday party
i am considering not going as it is a good 30 minutes away and i'm not sure i feel up to the drive; but i dont want to disappoint Elise(or annoy my parents)

i had gotten really far behind in keeping up with the gaycams boards
hurray for noah's 100% donor count
and still no more good gossip about gc's and bok's billionaire---it's one of those 'inquiring minds want to know' issues

i may try to be on yahoo msgr later tonite, but i have to work on progress reports and lesson plans later, so dont hold me to it

thanks to all the encouraging emails and prayers
my online family is TOPS

growing up, we always had dogs and cats as part of the family
some of my earliest memories involve them

i remember the german shepherds we had when i was a toddler
when i was 2, Mister had to be put to sleep
Lady lived on without him for about 4 more years
i remember finding her in her pen sitting up, eyes open, but dead

i could tell hundreds of stories of past pets
this story is about the babies that live with me now

1998
january, my brother was arrested for embezzling $168,000
my best friend since childhood, paul, died february 20 of complications from AIDS
he had lived with AIDS for over 10 years, the last 4 were not pleasant, but i was there every single day, until he was moved to hospice in the VA Hospital in Houston; then i could only go once a week to see him; i was supposed to go the day that he died, but the asshole boyfriend i loved so dearly and who abused me so horribly said to wait till the weekend because he couldnt go that day, and of course, things with him had gotten to that point where i wasnt allowed to have choices anymore---another story for another day
april 14, i filed for bankruptcy
april 26, jason died of leukemia, after having been in remission for 5 years
may 3, frank died, also from AIDS
july 9, oscar left me, which although it meant i was free, it also meant i was alone

i was diagnosed with major depression(go figure) and i took a medical leave from work for a year; zoloft made me crazy---really nuts; i was switched to prozac, but felt drugged all the time; one day, my mom told me "you've always had someone to take care of and now they are all gone; you need a puppy, not pills"

wow

since living on my own i really hadnt had many pets, because i worked all the time and partied all the time

i decided to get a chihuahua---we'd almost always had a least one at all times when i was growing up

i adopted armando when he was about 5 weeks old
he wasnt quite weaned, and couldnt really walk well
he needed me as much as i needed him
i had to hand feed him and he was so little i could hold him in the palm of one hand
i think he thinks i'm his mother

well it really did help
i felt, like a third better, emotionally
in my sick sick mind that meant------------------------- you got it-----------i needed two more
i chose a miniature schnauzer (gabriel) and a yorkshire terrier(tess) that came to us when armando was about 3 months old

i remember bringing gabriel home one day and the next day i brought tess hopme and the next day i left and came back, armando was looking all over for another new dog--it was soooo cute--he thought we would get a new baby everyday!!

it did the trick too
i was needed and loved and they really saved my life
i would never have made it without them; i understand how bad it can get because i was there(i also understand why abused women dont leave their abusers--something i never understood before)

so when people dont understand why my babies ALWAYS come first, that is why
i owe them everything and will do without if need be so that they can have whatever they want and need

oh, and did i mention that they are spoiled???

i worry that they will all die in close proximity of time and leave me back in that hell they saved me from; i also wonder at the timing of alan wanting me back on antidepressants when i dont feel like they are really necessary, and the possibility something is wrong with armando----is fate about to show its hand?? but i dont believe in fate
i dont believe that things are predetermined
life is more than a novel with its ending already written
right????

day one on lexapro was not fun
i took the shit last nite right before bed as prescribed
i went to bed at 1030
at 1230 i woke up wired
i didnt fall back asleep till after 3, and was back up by 5 wired again
well of course by the time i got to work i was ready to collapse

side effects that i experienced today included headache and nausea
when the children would act up, instead of getting angry, i wanted to cry
i was wobbly on my feet and you know i go up and down the stairs at least 15-20 times a day

so, do i take it again tonite and hope that over the next few days my body and brain adjust or do i stop now and toss the pills in the garbage???

now that i'm home and have had a chance to sit and rest for a little and cuddle with my babies, i do feel a lil better and actually ate a lil supper, and i even laughed a little over armando teasing the others to get them to chase him(would a dog with heart disease behave thus?)

that's another thing, i am a generally happy, fun person at work
today i was very quiet and subdued

many of the side effects that i experienced today might actually be from lack of sleep rather than directly due to the lexapro---although the lack of sleep was most certainly due to the pills
why do i always react differently than expected (from meds)?

jj, come take care of me sweetie; the boys will be okay without you for a couple weeks(months)(and becky would prolly love to get you outta her stash for a bit)

my sister says it will probably take 2 weeks for the meds to really get in my system and my body adjust----i just dont know if i can do it

anybody else out there on anti-anxiety/antidepressant type drugs? most of my co-workers are on paxil and very happy with their lot; it would probably make me psychotic

today i had a follow up visit at the doctor
the polyp was nothing more than an internal skin tag
the biopsy of the stomach lining was negative for H.Pylorii(i think i spelled that right)

alan wants me to continue with 2 prevacids a day for at least the next month
AND
he softly suggested that i try one of the newer antianxiety meds-LexaPro in an attempt to keep the acid from forming in the first place

i am hesitant to take it
i was on zoloft for a while, then prozac and then wellbutrin
they all made me feel weird in the head---weirder than normal
plus, my monthly meds are expensive as it is

he gave me a month's supply of samples and i go back to see him right before the meds run out
i tried to get him to give me a script for some of the good old timey nerve pills, but he knows me too well and says he never prescribes those anymore to anyone, especially someone with a history of addiction---bastard!

he did make me fell better about armando
i told him i was really upset about armandos possible heart ailment
he told me that if armando didnt get short of breath easily and was still playing like always, that he just didnt think that was it--that the followup tests next week would prolly show no heart problems

plus last nite i couldnt sleep so i did a lil reearch and even if he does have an enlarged heart, it is very treatable and does not portend imminent death

but, i still dont want him to be sick
i'll have to write up an entry later about how and why i became a canine guardian

i kinda felt like i had been kicked in the stomach

i had brought Armando in for his annual shots and to have his ears checked(yes, another infection), and dr poynter kept listening to armando's heart for the longest time---i KNEW something was wrong

he said, "i'm hearing something ive never heard before(with armando)...it's like there is an extra beat in there" "no, its not a murmer, a murmer makes a whooshing sound" "let me do an ekg" "there's definitely something going, on, some strange electrical activity in the left side of his heart......i'd like you to bring him in again---SOON--for some bloodwork and x-rays, which i want to send to a specailist" "he may need to put on heart meds" and blahblahblah, something about an enlarged heart...blahblahblah, do you have any questions?

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
MY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what's wrong with my baby, the love of my life, the sunshine in this hell, the center of all i do?????

we will go back in next tuesday for the tests

emma, the girl out front says, dont worry, there is so much we can do for them these days

wow i guess i really am type A personality
of course, wednesday, was taken up with "the cleansing"
thursday was taken up with the procedures and sleeping off the sedation
but i had a totally free day friday that i could have rested and read and lazed and watched dvd's
did I?
no
silly queen that i am, i mowed the lawn, cleaned the roof of pine needles and leaves, cleaned the gutters, repotted plants that just couldnt wait till spring, pulled weeds around the perimeter of the house that couldnt be reached by the weedeater, pruned a couple trees and the hedges
saturday was grocery shopping, a long walk with the dogs, and then the evening was spent bathing the babies and making them pretty
today was vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, laundry, and still to do---lesson plans!

maybe i can rest over thanksgiving
or maybe someone could lend me a spare husband or houseboi?????